Mixture Of Dog Santa Clause And Agony Aunt

Dog By The Fire Hearth

Picture of the narrating dog cosy by a roaring fire

Dog By The Fire Hearth

(Don’t let the picture lull you into a false sense of security if you upset me I am like a coiled spring waiting to pounce)
Hi my names Oscar I’m a mixture of dog Santa Clause and agony aunt as well as being just a smidgeon pizzed off with life at the moment, why you might ask? Well it’s a long story so to make a long story even longer here we go.

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When you get to read messages like these every day it would pizz off a saint I nearly said pope but I think he’s having his own crises at the moment. Anyway this latest message that’s caught my imagination is from a Poodle by the name of missy, this is about the bloke who considers himself this Poodles owner because he handed a fistful of notes over to some Gypsies down south, he has changed from a stoner who grew weeds for a living if you could call living in shit living into a stand-up guy working all the hour’s god sends.

Naturally this guy justifies leaving the Poodle on its own all day and not walking him with the old I don’t have time mantra, well I have news for all you to%%ers who think like that, it makes you just like those Hollywood miscreants and your time is fast approaching.
 
When the dog man’s best friend will rise up and take over this world just like in planet of the apes it be doggie’s world and you will all have to walk yourselves while we dogs go down the pub and watch the go fetch cup final, it will be just like all those photos of dogs playing poker and such like on pub walls.